


Asylum

by MikoAkako



Category: Death Note
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dark Triad, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Kira and Light aren't the same person, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Multiple Personalities, Not kind to Misa, POV First Person, although I have no personal vendetta against her, but yeah...just a heads up, in fact I kind of like her
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-09
Updated: 2013-02-21
Packaged: 2017-11-28 16:12:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/676341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikoAkako/pseuds/MikoAkako
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Light went crazy after L burned the death note, leading him to end up in an insane asylum. Will he find some way out of the dark, or is he lost forever?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Penance

**Author's Note:**

> Background: This is AU. L is not dead. After capturing Higuchi, Light regained his memories of the death note, but the note was burned. For some reason, this made Light go crazy. He confessed to being Kira and is now in England in an insane asylum. Misa will enter this eventually, only she will not have any memory of the death note (at first, anyway). There will be no Near, Mello or Matt in this unless I feel very random. If you have any other questions, leave them in a review. (:
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

This is my penance. This is my daily routine to remind myself what my actions can lead to, and warn me just how easily I could have died. The institute was close to my headquarters in England. His family had not stepped up to claim him, and I would not burden them with the cost of his medical care. I refused to let Watari drive me. It was the only place I walked, always in the same over sized clothes despite the weather.

That day, it was cold and overcast, but my mind was not focusing on my physical discomfort. Instead, I remembered the first time I had gone to visit the boy after his breakdown. The institute was cold and remote, despite being situated just on the outskirts of down. People seemed to avoid walking in front of it, instead crossing the street as if physical closeness to the inhabitants could infect them. I was the only person who made the walk down the sidewalk to the door.

The first day was the worst. He was conscious, and waiting for the doctor to examine him. I didn't let him see me that day, but just looking at him was enough to force the reality down my throat. I hated seeing him when he was conscious. The monster sitting before me had no resemblance to the boy I had known for so long. He was so dangerous to himself and everyone around him he was normally sedated, a lump of bones and skin pale from lack of sunlight.

"Hello, Ryuzaki." The receptionist no longer asked for my ID, just slipping me the visitors badge. "He was talking about you this morning." I refused to engage in her useless chatter; instead I turned and walked after the nurse who was waiting for me. He knew I had no desire to talk, and did not attempt anything after the initial greeting. We passed several other nurses as we continued our silent trek through the cold hospital. Several times we passed one way windows showing patients interacting with a therapist.

"This way, Ryuzaki." The nurse led me towards doors labeled 'High Security' and I braced myself. The walls between the High Security rooms and the public rooms was sound proof, but a high wailing assaulted my ears as the door opened and I hurried in. Each individual room was sound proof, but at this time of day, several prisoners were being led in strait jackets by large men. They were the source of the shouting. I let my gaze drift over each in turn but I knew none of them were the boy I wanted to visit.

"He hasn't been sedated yet today. It really isn't safe for you to go in." I blinked at the man. Every day we had the same conversation. Every day I walked into the room and spent a few brief moments with the boy I had forced so low. Today, however, it was well past noon so I had expected him to be sedated already. The thought of facing him, cackling and wailing at me made me flinch.

"Why has he not been sedated? It is well past time. Unless he has shown improvement and no longer requires sedation." The nurse met my gaze solidly.

"I'm afraid I do not know the details of this patient, but…." From behind him, a woman in a white coat strode forward. She extended a hand which I took reluctantly.

"Forgive me. I am Dr. Jane Lovett. You must be Ryuzaki." I nodded reluctantly, and my gaze drifted to the door. "If you wouldn't mind coming with me for just a moment I would like you to observe the patient and perhaps tell me if this type of behavior is typical." I followed the doctor up a short flight of stairs up to the observation platform though a two way mirror.

"Nothing is typical for Light." I said, trying to delay the moment I had to look at the boy in the room. When I looked, though, my mind flashed back to another scene, long ago. That time I had been sitting in front of a TV screen, but the view was the same. Light, sitting on the floor, pleading for release. I could hear him with the headphones connected to the speaker in the padded cell.

"Ryuzaki. I know I wanted to be locked up, but it is pointless. I'm not Kira. Let me out, Ryuzaki. Please." He repeated it over and over, adding other useless pleas. I put the headphones down and faced the doctor.

"I have seen him do this once before," I admitted. My eyes locked with Lights, even though there was no way he could know I was watching. "When he lost his memory of being Kira. But that was when he gave up the note. I do not believe it is possible for that to happen now. Perhaps he is simply reliving the past."

"I am afraid it could indicate a much more serious personality disorder than the original diagnosis. We have been treating him for intermittent explosive disorder, which has been explained to you. We know that when he was acting as Kira he displayed advanced signs of Machiavellianism and quite probably sociopathy. All we need to add is narcissism and he would be one of the only people to display all three disorders in the dark triad. However, this sudden shift in behavior indicates he may be displaying multiple personalities. The question then is, which of them is the original, and which is the created?" I looked blankly at the doctor.

"The Light I knew was narcissistic. How could someone styling themselves as a god be anything less? However, from my observations, I believe that Light suffers from multiple personalities. Or rather, two. The dominant one, Kira, could be diagnosed with any and all of the dark triad. Light created this personality in order to cope with the weight of murder. Of course, with such a dominant personality, it is possible that the being known as Light no longer exists. I brought him here in hopes you would have the means to suppress Kira enough for Light to resurface." The doctor nodded and wrote something on a notepad she had in her hand.

"I understand, Mr. Ryuzaki." She said. "Now that he seems to be displaying signs of improvement, we can begin with that. It is first important to get him to a state where he is not dangerous to himself before we can come to a full diagnosis. I will take your words into account and examine him after you are gone." Dr. Lovett walked away and the nurse opened the door for me to enter the cell.

"Ryuzaki!" Light flung himself at my feet, looking up through oval eyes the color of honey. I could see tears welling in his eyes. "I knew you would come for me, Ryuzaki. Please. I'm not Kira. You know me. You lived with me. You would have noticed if I was a serial killer. Please let me out, L!" I was taken by surprise. He remembered the time we were chained, but not being Kira. I took a step back from him and turned my head.

"I know you are Kira, Light." I forced myself to look at the beautiful boy as his face twisted in pain. "Light – k…You confessed after I burned Higuchi's note. Please stand up, Light – kun." The tears burning paths down his face were real and I knelt to help him up. He lunged at me and spat in my face.

"I hate you, L!" Whatever had brought Light to the surface was gone. "I will make Light kill you! Ohh…He doesn't want to, but I have more control than him. Light will kill you, than I will be God!" His face contorted into a horrible sneer and twisted with maniacal laughter. The change from Light to Kira was complete. Kira lunged at me again but I had recovered and grabbed his shoulders, pulling him close to me as he flailed against me.

"I will destroy you, Kira. I will find Light and save him. And you will not kill me." I whispered fiercely as the nurse rushed in and quickly injected the sedative into Light. Almost instantly, Light went slack in my arms and I lowered him to the ground gently.

"Thank you." I walked out of the room and wanted to fall to the ground, but I feigned indifference as I did every day. When I made it back to headquarters I would have time to express my emotions, but not in front of so many people. "I will see you tomorrow." I handed the receptionist my badge and walked out the doors and on to the street. No one looked at me as I hung my head and made the slow trek back. I never looked back at the institute as I walked away. I had completed my penance for the day and had work to get back to. Perhaps one day I would be able to fix Light, but for now, Kira was still living in his body.


	2. Puzzles

That night while I sat at the computer screen, my thoughts turned to Light. I couldn't get the image of him, lying at my feet in tears, out of my head. There was no reason it should affect me as it had. I shouldn't have any emotional attachment to the boy. I had a sense of obligation to care for him, as it had been my rash actions that led to his current state. He also reminded me that even the most powerful can fall. In his height, he had almost been my equal. Now, without true explanation, he had fallen.

I bit my thumb as I considered that proposition. I was so interested in Light because he was a puzzle. I didn't enjoy physical puzzles, as one of my successors did. I enjoyed the logical ones and Light was probably the greatest puzzle I would ever encounter. And the best part, every time I thought I had broken the code and reached a conclusion, something would happen to convince me I was wrong.

I had been so certain that Light was Kira, though the surveillance had shown nothing to indicate he was anything more than an ordinary teen. His dedication to proving me wrong was a delightful challenge. Then, just when I was sure that he really was Kira, he lost his memory of it and I began to doubt myself. No other suspect could make me doubt myself. I was L – the World's greatest detective! He was just the son of a mediocre detective.

Then there was the biggest shock of all – his confession. After weeks of working side by side to capture Higuchi and clear up the question of who Kira was once and for all, Light messed up his chance at success. Of course, afterward I realized it had been the destruction of the Death Note that had broken something in Light-Kira's mind. Still, the result was fascinating and horrifying at the same time. I wouldn't give up until he figured out the inner workings of the boy's mind.

I replayed Light's drastic personality change over and over in my mind. There was no doubt now that Light and Kira were separate personalities. Unless, of course, Kira and Light were one, and had used that ruse to lead my speculations down the wrong path. It was possible, but past evidence refuted that idea. Innocent Light did not deceive. He was far too altruistic and committed to justice to murder. Light as Kira, however, was the personification of Machiavelli's Prince. The end justifies the means. I gripped the chair edge in frustration.

Despite my best attempts, Light had become my friend. At least, he was as close to a friend as anyone had ever been to me. I did not trust him, but I did not even trust Whammy more than I absolutely had to. But that rested in my own psychological issues and until they caused a problem, I had no desire to delve into my own problems.

"Friend." I said the word out loud. "Light-kun." His name rolled off my tongue easily. "Light-kun. Friend." I wanted to laugh at my own stupidity. The Light I had known had probably never existed. Until I knew that for certain, I had to solve the puzzle he presented. Having decided on a course of action, I set aside that problem to focus on the list of cases Whammy had brought me.

I flipped through each case without interest. After the Kira case…I stopped my thoughts, knowing where that path would lead. I had not taken a case since returning to England over a month previous. Hundreds had build up during the time I had spent in Japan, but none worthy of my notice. Many of them were missing children, the majority obviously the result of a divorce when one parent took a child without telling the other, some were small burglaries.

Finally I came upon one that was worthy of my attention. I saw the bookmark Whammy had placed on it. Normally I left the decision of cases to him, but the process was relaxing, and sometimes he missed what could turn out to be important. This one was strange, by all matters. A 10-year-old boy had been found a few miles from his house, lying dead in the middle of a forest. According to his parents, he often went there to play with several friends from the neighborhood. The parents both had airtight alibi's.

The boy, who had been strangled, was found by his friends the day after he was reported missing. All of them had been interviewed, and none had seen the boy the day of his disappearance. I reviewed the images of the dead child. There were a few seemingly random cuts on him, caused by some kind of knife. None of them were located anywhere that could be deadly, and none were deep enough to lose enough blood to kill even a child.

The murder had taken place four years ago, and only last week another child had been found dead. This murder did not appear to be related. The cause of death was obvious in the picture – a huge gash across the throat. The child was a girl, this time. She had been one of the children interviewed about the boy's death. She was older than the other children, whose ages ranged from 8 to 13. She had just turned 15. The only other person her age was a girl named Susanna. Susanna looked like the rest of the children. She had a bright smile, and a good family. Nevertheless, I placed her at the top of my list of suspects. Now I had to prove her guilty.

To my surprise, Whammy walked in then with a slice of cake and a cup of tea. I thanked him quietly and devoured the cake quickly. To the tea, I added the large stack of sugar cubes he had brought on a separate plate and waited for it to cool. I never drank my tea hot, even in the middle of winter. By the time my breakfast was gone, I decided to visit Light.

It was only nine am, so I was fairly certain he would be conscious. There were very few people out at that time. Most were in work, and those who weren't were still asleep. I tried to enjoy the morning, but my thoughts kept going back to the murdered child. If my suspicions were correct, the suspect was only 11 when she had first murdered. My thoughts were still on the case when I followed the nurse down the hall.

"How is he today?" I broke the silence for the first time. The nurse almost didn't answer, and when he did it was with a frown.

"He has not been sedated. That's all I know. But it is rather early." I mumbled something, but neither of us said anything until we reached the door. He didn't bother with a warning today.

"Hello, Light." I looked at the boy who was sitting in the corner. His eyes were dull, despite the nurse assuring me he had not been sedated. "How are you today?" I said a few feet away from him. His honey eyes flickered to meet mine.

"Hello, L." He mumbled. "I've felt better. My arms feel rather strange after so long in this position." As if to prove his point, he flexed against the suit.

"Do you know why the suit is necessary, Light?" I refused to acknowledge how surprised I was. I didn't want to risk bringing Kira back to the front of Light's mind. Light, sighed and looked past me as he answered.

"Because I killed so many people. I just…I can't figure out why. Or how I did it without realizing. I mean, so much of the past year is…blank. But I know I'm…" His sentence drifted off into silence and I held my breath. I was almost afraid to look at the teen, as though he would break if I moved wrong.

"Are you okay, Light-kun?" I put emphasis on the last word, and the aubern haired male smiled at me.

"I'm fine, L." He said. "But I think you should go now. I'm feeling rather…strange. I think I would like the sedation." Even though he tried to keep his tone even, I sensed the urgency behind his words. I resisted the urge to reach out a hand to the boy.

"Very well. I will see you again tomorrow, Light-kun. I believe I have a case I need your help on."

"That would be wonderful, Ryuzaki." He said, his attention obviously focused elsewhere. I stood from my awkward sitting position and knocked on the door to indicate I wanted out. The nurse, who had been watching from the balcony, had the sedation in hand. I nodded and he went in and injected the quiet Light, who rested his head against the wall and appeared to fall asleep.

"He isn't stupid, that one." The nurse observed. "Maybe now that he knows he's two different people he'll be able to control it." I said nothing, but considered the nurses words. Perhaps they were true. Light was intelligent. But so was Kira. Eventually, Kira would find a way to break down whatever defense Light created. Because in the end, Kira and Light were the same person.


	3. Conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This case idea was inspired by Mary Bell's case. If you don't know who she is, I'd suggest looking it up. Her case absolutely fascinated me. And we couldn't just have L sitting around all the time, could we? Anyway, enjoy this chapter and I am sorry it's late!

On an almost constant basis, I get frustrated with the world. Not the world, as in trees and flowers, but the general level of human intelligence. The case I had taken on had reached a dead end. The police were unwilling to question Susanna again. Her parents claimed she was distraught over the murder of her friend. So I was stuck reviewing the interviews the police had taken originally. Fortunately, it had been recorded on a video. Unfortunately, the police did not want to release the video to me, so I was stuck with the printed copy.  
 _  
Officer – Do you know what happened to Ben?_

_Susanna – He dead. I saw him lying there. His neck was bruised._

_Officer – Did anyone have a fight with him when you last saw him?_

_Susanna – No sir. Everyone like Ben. He good kid. He ain't like his folks. So we his family._

_Officer – Are you sure no one was mad at Ben?_

_Susanna – N…Well, I mean. Him and George did have a fight a few days afore. George was mad 'cause Ben didn't want to play. Do you think George could have killed him?_

_Officer – I don't know. It would be a very bad thing if he did. Do you think he could?_

_Susanna – Nah. George ain't got a mean part of him._

_Officer – What about Ben's parents?_

_Susanna – I dunno. They ain't any good. They want to control all Ben's life. Can I see him?_

_Officer - See who?_

_Susanna – Ben. Could I see him?_

_Officer – No. I don't think that would be a good idea._

_Susanna – Oh. Okay. I'm ready to go home now. I don't know nothing else._

_Officer – Very well. Thank you, Susanna._

I scanned the interview over with disgust. The interviewer obviously had no training in the art. Worse than that, so many of Susanna's comments were ambiguous; they could be taken so many ways depending on her body language at the time. For instance, had she been smiling and laughing through the interview, or was she on the verge of tears? I had no answers to those questions without the video.

Of course, I couldn't rule out any of the other children, so my request had been for video of all the interviews. None of them, however, had answered questions in full sentences. From their dialogue, it was clear they were shaken. Based on that, I was about 54% certain that Susanna was the killer. But seeing those videos would help…

I looked at the clock. It was past noon and I had not been to see Light. By now he would undoubtedly be sedated, and thus useless to me, just as he had been every time I'd visited him in the past two weeks. However, I had an obligation to visit him, and I would not break my word. At least not this time anyway. So I shoved a few notes on the case in my pocket. None of the interviews, just the brief summary that had hooked me in the case.

I did not need Light's help, of course. In fact, this case was becoming boring. At this point, I really only had to prove Susanna guilty. The only difficulty would be finding the evidence. But if she was guilty, it would come out given the right prodding. Everyone had a weakness.

"Hello, Ryuzaki." The receptionist flashed a smile at me which I did not return. "I'm afraid you can't see Light now. He is in a session with Dr. Lovett as we speak." I just looked at her, not saying anything. I know the effect of my staring. She held out for about five seconds before shifting nervously.

"I suppose you can go back and wait until it is over." She handed me my visitors badge quickly and I smiled briefly before turning to follow my nurse, who had miraculously appeared when I walked in.

"That is one strange person, Light." The nurse said. Despite my normal unwillingness to talk, I found the nurse's observations interesting, so I conceded.

"How so?" I asked. My hands were in my pocket and I walked slouched. I didn't even look at the nurse when he spoke.

"He asks for the sedation. Before those fits now. So I can only give him a small dose and he comes out of it quicker, but still. It's like he knows he's crazy, and he doesn't want to be." So Light had asked to be sedated at least one other time. Did that mean he was stronger than Kira? Or at least close enough in strength to the mass-murderer that he had some control? But why had he changed, suddenly? All the questions floating in my mind, unanswered.

"Does he speak ever?" I asked after a few moments of silence.

"Hmm? Not really. But I don't have access to the recordings. But it isn't on the chart if he does. You can ask Dr. Lovett. He's spent every minute with her since he became aware of his alternate personality. She's taken a particular fascination in his case. Which is lucky, since she's probably the best psychiatrist we have on our staff and she rarely devotes this much time to her patients." Something in me bristled. I didn't want Light spending time with the doctor. I considered him my own personal puzzle. I would solve him and fix him. Now I had to compete with someone.

"Thank you," I said. We waited in silence outside Light's room. After a few minutes, Light appeared, walking next to Dr. Lovett. The two were talking animatedly until they saw me. Then Light's face froze and he looked desperately around, as if he could escape. He realized his mistake a moment too late, and his face turned dark. There was no where he could go now. He could, of course, send me away. Dr. Lovett noticed the change and put a hand on his arm. He flinched, but stopped to look at her. They had a brief conversation, Dr. Lovett looking concerned and her hand never leaving Light's shoulder. In the end, Light shook his head and flashed her a smile. I was the only one who could see that it was not genuine.

"Hello, Ryuzaki," he said. "Would you like to talk?" I nodded and he indicated I should walk with him. It appeared he now had limited freedoms, as no one followed us as we strolled through the common areas. Posted along the corridor were guards, but none questioned his right. Some even waved as we passed, though in his strait jacket, Light could only nod back.

"Light-kun seems well," I remarked. I couldn't think of anything else to say, but I knew I sounded ridiculous. I may as well have made some remark on the weather. Light knew the remark was useless as well, but he gave no indication.

"Only sometimes," he said. "Sometimes…"He stopped, closed his eyes, and took a breath. "It is getting easier to stay in control. Jane, that is, Dr. Lovett, has been a huge help to me in the past few weeks. In time, I may even be able to control it all the time. She believes I may even be released eventually. Of course, only if I can control Kira all the time. But I doubt I will ever be that strong."

I looked at Light with confusion. He was so different from the boy I had known, but at the same time, he was the same. I realized the difference – he was not hiding anything. The cynic in me pointed out that Kira may simply have regained full control and was simply pretending to be Light.

"That is wonderful, Light-kun." I said. Light looked at me funny, and then laughed.

"Are you jealous, L?" He asked, still laughing.

"Of course not, Light-kun." I recovered quickly. I would not tell Light I disliked the doctor, because she had, in all fairness, made huge leaps with Light in a very short time. "I am the one who put you here in hopes they could help you recover. Of course, I very much doubt you will ever be free to go, especially considering the…nature…of Kira. After all, he is smart enough to convince the world he is you. So no, Light-kun. I am not jealous. I am simply in shock that she would even hint, let alone outright tell you, that you may be released one day." Light's face fell, and I regretted my harsh words.

"Is that what you think, L?" He asked. "That I'll always be Kira? Well fine. I will prove you wrong, though. I am not a murderer. I will overcome this. I'll find a way to make you believe I'm cured. Because what you think does matter to me, L. And even if I'm never released, I would still like to solve cases and put criminals away where they belong."

I bit my lip to stop myself from replying. This was the Light I knew. I felt a thrill go through me at the honesty behind his eyes as he spoke. Unlike me, he had the ability to use his entire body to convey his words. Of course, I knew that Kira could lie through his body just as well as Light could speak the truth. So I focused on his eyes. Light's eyes always flared open. When he was Kira, they narrowed. Obviously I knew I couldn't trust that to be the true indicator of who was in control of the body, but it was my only clue. In cases of multiple personalities, each personality had a tell, something to identify them as unique.

"Very well, Light-kun." I said. I put my hand in my pocket and pulled out the case notes I had brought. "Consider this your first case. I will leave the notes with you in your room. I have duplicates, so if these are destroyed it will not hurt my case in the least. Each time I visit I will bring the next piece of evidence as you ask for it." Light glared at me for a few seconds, but he finally nodded.

"Aren't you afraid I'll try and kill myself with it? Try and shove it down my throat?" He spoke bitterly, but I knew he was flattered by the fact that I would trust him.

"Since you mention it." I said, chuckling. "But no, Light-kun. You are not suicidal. You have too strong a hold on this life. As does Kira." A shiver ran through Light at that name.

"Sorry. I just…I hate him. As much as it's possible to hate a part of yourself. I just feel like I should be able to…amputate him, or something. But he's always there. Right on the edge of my mind. Listening to everything you say. Everything I think and feel." By now we had come back to Light's room.

"I will come back tomorrow, Light-kun. Hopefully we will talk then." Light smiled and walked into his room without hesitation. "And perhaps soon they will take the strait jacket off." I added. Now that Light knew to control himself, and could tell when anything would happen, I decided to ensure that he did not have to wear it all the time.

"Good-bye, L." He said. "Could you send the nurse in on your way out?" As I closed the door, I saw him sink to his knees, bent over so his head rested on the wall. His breathing was forced. The nurse rushed in and administered the sedative.

"Good-bye, Light-kun." I whispered as his entire body relaxed. For the first time since I had begun visiting Light, I stopped to talk to the receptionist at the end of my visit. She ignored me at first, and I decided I couldn't be mad at her, after my behavior.

"I would like to schedule a meeting with Dr. Lovett to discussion Light Whammy's progress." She looked at me in confusion for a moment before nodding.

"Certainly, Ryuzaki." She said. I had decided to keep the nickname I'd adopted in Japan for simplicity sake. "When would you like to schedule it?"

"Tomorrow, I believe." I said, closing my eyes and forcing myself to relax as she hummed under her breath and took her time looking through the schedule. Finally, she must have found a time.

"Aha. I can put you in for 10:30 in the morning. Does that work for you?" She smiled at me obnoxiously and I just nodded. "I will see you tomorrow, Mr. Ryuzaki!" I twitched my fingers in a farewell. I wasn't sure what I wanted to say to the psychiatrist, but I wasn't willing to trust Light's sanity to someone I didn't know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oh yeah. I thought that I should point out that L does not see Light as anything more than a friend. And Light doesn't know what in the world he thinks. 
> 
> Next Chapter: Sayu sends a letter and L is paranoid (like usual).


	4. Letters

"You requested my assistance with this case. I will send my associate by later today to pick up the files. If you do not give them to him, I will retract my help." I slammed the phone. The cops were still giving me trouble about asking for the videos. I rarely let my emotions rule me, but at that moment I wanted nothing more than to throw something at the wall.

"Something arrived in the mail for you today, L." Whammy walked into the room holding a large envelope. I frowned. I was not expecting anything. It couldn't be a waste of time, though, because Whammy would not have brought it to me if he had.

"Who is it from?" I asked, trying to breathe evenly. Even with Whammy I refused to let my emotions show. "And I need you to drive to the station and pick up the files from the child murder case. If they do not have it ready inform them I will no longer be working with them."

"Very well, L." Whammy said. The corners of his mouth twisted into a smile, and I knew he could hear my anger under the monotone voice I made such an effort to speak in. "It is from a Sayu Yagami and Misa Amani." I took the letter between a thumb and forefinger. I had no desire to remain in contact with Amani, but I was curious as to what Sayu Yagami had written to me.

_Ryuzaki,_

_U need to release Light cuz he is innocent. I no u said he confessed but I dont believe u. Light wud never kill ne1. …._

I tossed that letter to the side, not even bothering to finish it. I did not miss interacting with the model at all. I had never figured out Light's fascination with her, beside her obvious beauty. The one from Sayu was much longer. In it, I could tell how devoted she was to her brother. Behind her letter to me, was one addressed to Light.

_Ryuzaki,_

_I am not certain if I should thank you or ask you to return my brother to Japan. My parents are grateful you kept Light's name a secret from the media, and so am I. I am not, however, happy that you took him from my life. When it comes down to it, Light is my brother, and even if he did murder people for the past year, he still deserves my love. In fact, because Light is Kira I believe he needs love all the more for it._

_I understand Kira is evil, but I still cannot imagine my brother as being that ruthless. He was never harsh to anyone. No one who knew him speaks a word against him. It has been quite difficult trying to explain why he left, because he appeared so happy here. Finally, though, people are beginning to accept the story that he left to work for the detective L in England. Again, I do not know why you were willing to spread that lie for my brother, who is someone you should hate._

_I am sorry for including Misa's letter with mine, but I owe her a great debt, which you will understand in a few lines. The reason I am writing this is not to ask you for an explanation of your actions, which I know would be a waste of paper, but to ask for permission to visit my brother. Misa has secured a plane to bring us to England, but despite my best attempts, I cannot find any record of a 'Light Yagami' in any of the prisons or mental institutes in England. It is obvious you do not want him to have visitors, but I hope that you will make an exception for his little sister and ex-girlfriend. I am beginning to think that Light used Misa, though, and did not truly care for her as she has deluded herself into believing. She is not exceptionally bright, but she does have her moments. Many of them seem to be inspired by movies she's acted in, though._

_I hope this finds you and Light well. And I would be most appreciative if you could convey my letter to Light. I have attached an exact copy of what I wrote to him, or you may open the letter addressed to him, though I would rather hope you wouldn't._

_Thank you,_

_Sayu Yagami ___

__I read the letter quickly. Her emotion was evident in the way she tried to write without emotion. As a sibling of Light's, it was clear she was intelligent. I was not pleased about the idea of giving Light a letter from home, but I found myself sympathizing with Sayu. It appeared that no one was immune to Light's charm, even his sister. I turned the page and saw a different letter, this one hand-written._ _

___Dearest Light,_ _ _

___I love you, and I miss you. I know you'll never admit it, but I know you love and miss me too. If you don't mind, I would like to come visit you soon. Ryuzaki-san is kind enough to help us if you agree to it. I have so much to tell you, but I will wait until I see you. Please let Ryuzaki-san know if you would like me to visit. Also, Misa-Misa would be coming with me. If you don't want to see us, I understand and I am ready and waiting any time you change your mind. I love you, big brother. That will never change._ _ _

___Sayu_ _ _

__I almost decided to trust the girl, but I was not willing to compromise Light in any way, so I opened the letter and quickly compared them. They were identical, but in case she had hidden any secret message in them in a code known only between herself and Light, I decided not to give him the letter, but simply pass along the message._ _

__I didn't realize I had agreed to let Sayu and, hesitantly, Misa visit Light until I was on my way to the institute. I still was not convinced it was for the best, but perhaps seeing two people from his former life would help distinguish between Light and Kira._ _

__I arrived at exactly 10:30 to see an annoyed Dr. Lovett standing in the lobby tapping her foot. When I walked through the door she looked at her watch and I saw her bite back a remark. I was on time, but not a minute early._ _

__"This way." She did not waste time on formalities, but walked sharply away, down a hall, around a corner, and then to a stop outside what could only be her office. It was, as I had expected, organized neatly. There were no pictures on the wall. The only frames held her diplomas. I scanned the school names and saw she had attended ivy league for her undergraduate work and then transferred to Michigan State, which had the top psychiatry program in the United States. I wondered briefly why she had moved to England, but quickly decided it was of no importance._ _

__"What can I do for you, Ryuzaki? Or should I call you L?" She asked._ _

__"I would like to discuss Light." I said. "As he is legally insane, and I am his next of kin, you cannot refuse me." She opened and closed her mouth for several seconds before pursing her lips. For whatever reason, she disliked me as much as I disliked her._ _

__"Very well." She pulled out a file from a drawer. I noticed it was over twice as thick as any of the other files. "Light Whammy. Convicted of being Kira after a mental breakdown where he confessed. Sufficient evidence was provided, namely a hand writing sample from a 'Death Note' which was produced by the suspect. He showed symptoms of Machiavellianism, narcissism, and sociopathy in his willingness to do anything to achieve his goal – the perfect world without criminals – styling himself as a god, and his utter lack of compassion to even the most regretful and minor criminals. After detailed workups, it was discovered that 'Kira' and 'Light' are two separate personalities in the same body. He was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder and has been going through therapy in an attempt to cure this. Reasoning with Kira has come to no end, but Light is most willing to help and we have learned quite a bit from him. There is no history of physical or emotional abuse in the family, though exact details have been withheld by the patient. It is supposed, and was brought up by the patient and the next of kin, that the cause of the DID is as a way to cope with the psychological stress of murder. 'Kira' was developed after 'Light' killed a man using the 'Death Note' and has sense grown in power. The patient has been making remarkable improvements, but is not able to retain full control of consciousness. He often looses memories for several hours, instead of several days. The prognosis is encouraging, though when dealing with DID it is often impossible to determine the outcome." She closed the file and looked up at me._ _

__"Any particular questions, Ryuzaki?" She asked._ _

__"Have you spoken to Kira at all?" I asked._ _

__"No. When Kira is in control he refuses to speak and when he does it is mostly incoherent. I have consulted with several of my peers and so far have been unable to come up with a solution. Instead, we have simply been ignoring him as he has been to us. When he wants to talk, he will." Her tone made it clear that I was not to go against her orders. I nodded and agreed, but I had my own ideas, and I felt that by ignoring Kira it would force him to act. I would not let him hurt Light._ _

__"I would like to visit Light now," I said, standing. Dr. Lovett just nodded and led me back to the lobby where the nurse was waiting for me. We walked in silence to the high security section of the ward, but when he began to lead me down a different hallway I questioned him._ _

__"Light was moved to a new room last night." He said. "He is no longer considered a danger to himself, so he was given a normal room and he no longer has to wear the strait jacket." I nodded, pleased that it had been done without my interference. I knew that my input was not the most welcome, but I also knew that I would not stay silent. Whatever strange fascination I had with Light, I would not give it up easily._ _


	5. Interviews

"Hello, Light." I said, standing outside Light's cell. The bars on the window were at face height and without a strait jacket on, I was not allowed to go in the room. Light was sitting on his bed, and he looked up from the papers in his hand for a split second before returning his gaze.

"Hello, Ryuzaki." Light said, not looking up from the paper. "This case is fascinating." He waved the paper slightly. "I think the most likely suspect would be the girl, Susanna. Of course, I'm sure you already deduced that yourself. I can't tell without the interview, and perhaps the video, though. Assuming it was videoed. Also, I think we should look into the parents. What do you think?" I frowned, replayed Light's words in my head, and then chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Light looked up, quickly, then back down. His eyes narrowed.

"Kira," I whispered. "You cannot impersonate him. You are too different." I looked around and saw the nurse had left me alone. There were several guards in sight, but none of them were close enough to hear the conversation, so I continued. "How did you take control?"

"They refuse to sedate him, now," Kira said, no longer avoiding eye contact. He stood and I noted the way he moved. Light was charismatic and confident, but Kira was arrogant. He moved lithely and held his head high. "How did you know it was me?"

"I told Light I would give him what he needed. You did not ask for anything, just hinted at what you wanted. Light would have asked outright." I knew there was a chance my observation would help Kira pretend better, but I knew he couldn't fake knowledge he didn't have. One major identifier of dissociative identities was a lack of knowledge when one was in control. Kira had gotten away with it so well because he was brilliant. He even knew that by giving up the note and allowing Light to have full control, he would not be caught because there were things Light couldn't know.

"I do not know why you like him so much. Or why he likes you," Kira said. He did not pace, though I knew he was aggravated. "You should hate us after what we did."

"What you did," I said. "Light is innocent. You are the one who killed all those people." Kira laughed and met my eyes.

"Light created me, L," He said. "You know that. He knows that. He wrote that first name down. Perhaps he did it because he did not believe the result, but he knew there was a chance. So like it or not, your precious Light is a murderer. He is no better than I am. Perhaps he is worse, because he cannot admit what he did. He wants to." Kira began pacing, unable to contain his anger. His eyes never left mine. "He thinks you'll hate him when you find out. He wants your approval. No. It's more than that – he wants your love." Kira sneered. "He doesn't deserve your love, though. He knows that, and you know that. Love is worthless anyway."

I stood in shock. Light-kun loved me? The revelation was shocking, to say the least. There was, of course, the possibility that Kira was lying to me, but that would serve no purpose I could fathom. Unless simply to drive a rift between myself and Light.

"And Light-kun told you all that?" I asked. Kira was no longer pacing. He stood facing me, the similarity between him and Light made me want to turn away, but I wouldn't give Kira the satisfaction of unnerving me.

"We don't talk," Kira said. "But we do know how the other feels about something if the feeling is strong enough."

"Whatever your aim is in divulging Light's secrets, it will not work. I do not care for Light-kun in that way, and I have already known that he killed the first person. Therefore your attempt is useless." Kira snarled at me, contorting Light's face until it was almost unrecognizable.

"I will still see you dead, L." Kira said. "Light will be the one to kill you. And that will break him into so many pieces it will be easy for me to step in. And feel free to warn Light. That will just make the game far more interesting." I could think of nothing to say, so I turned and walked away. The nurse was waiting for me at the end of the hall.

When I arrived back at my house, Wammy had laid out the case videos for me, along with hooking up a television and DVD player. My head was spinning with thoughts of Light, but I pushed them aside to focus on later, after I had reviewed the case.

Susanna's interview was fascinating in a sickening way. She was a beautiful child, with long dark hair and tanned skin. Her eyes were like mirrors, reflecting emotion but not betraying any of her own. In fact, from the interview, no one would even know that she had lost a friend.

The officer was clearly not interested in interviewing anyone. He looked at his fingers for a while, tapping them on the desk. After a few minutes, he decided to talk. "Do you know what happened to Ben?"

"He dead. I saw him lying there. His neck was bruised." Susanna twirled her hair, but she never lost eye contact with the officer. The way she spoke, though. Why had no one delved further? It sounded as if she was having a talk with a friend.

"Did anyone have a fight with him when you last saw him?" The officer's face was buried in the script in his hands, so he didn't see the flash of the girl's eyes before she answered.

"No sir. Everyone like Ben. He good kid. He ain't like his folks. So we his family." She seemed sincere enough. If she hadn't disliked Ben, why did she kill him? I kept watching.

"Are you sure no one was mad at Ben?" I would have fired him. If she was lying, asking outright would solve nothing. He should have gone around about way to get her to admit to something.

"N…Well, I mean. Him and George did have a fight a few days afore. George was mad cause Ben didn't want to play. Do you think George could have killed him?" I had to give the girl credit. I wasn't sure yet if she was lying or not, but her sincerity even made me doubt that she could be a suspect.

"I don't know. It would be a very bad thing if he did. Do you think he could?" Stupid. Stupid stupid. I had to make an effort not to get upset at the officer. After all, it was not his fault he had not been trained to interrogate. How many people would that office need to interrogate? It was situated in a remote location, far from any major crimes.

"Nah. George ain't got a mean part of him." I had to rewind to watch it again. She had asked if George may have been the murderer, then said she knew he couldn't be. It made no sense. It looked as if she simply wanted to know if the police suspected George. What would she have said if the man had said yes? Would she have gone along with them, or would she still have admitted he couldn't be a murderer.

"What about Ben's parents?" I had to wonder why he would ask a child that. Susanna shrugged and looked away. The way her lips twitched made me wonder what her home life was like. I would research that later.

"I dunno. They ain't any good. They want to control all Ben's life. Can I see him?" She turned back to look at the officer at the last sentence, her eyes bright. I skipped back and froze on her expression. There was no mistaking the hopeful look.

" See who?"

"Ben. Could I see him?" Now her expression was frustration. She had played innocent well, but surely this should have put the officer's flags up. Clearly not, as his face was still buried in the script; he didn't even look up in surprise.

"No. I don't think that would be a good idea." He didn't even look shocked at her request. Had the other children asked to see Ben? I made a mental note to check it out after I researched about her family. Her expression turned to disappointment, then boredom.

"Oh. Okay. I'm ready to go home now. I don't know nothing else." She flashed him a smile as he looked up for the first time in the interview. He returned it and stood, walking to the door.

"Very well. Thank you, Susanna." And the recording went blank.

I hadn't learned as much from it as I'd hoped, but I now suspected her even more than I had before. She had not seemed upset, despite the fact that a few hours earlier her friend had turned up missing. I reviewed the other tapes quickly. The other children had reacted as was to be expected – fear or sadness. I put my head to my hands and breathed deeply several times to clear my mind. It had been over a week since I had last slept, and I knew that I would have to give in soon, or my mental faculties would begin slowing.

"Would you like your draught now?" Wammy appeared in the door holding a cup of tea. Sleep was a waste of time, and if I took that I knew I would be out for at least twelve hours. On the other hand, I needed to be on the top of my game if I wanted to compete with Kira. Reluctantly, I nodded. Wammy set it down beside me and I glared at it.

I knew it would not taste bad. Wammy had finally discovered the right amount of sugar and honey to add to drown out the flavor of the sleep draught. That didn't mean I had to enjoy it. I drained it quickly and moved to the couch, which was only a few feet away for that particular purpose, with a handful of papers containing information on Susanna's family. It took about five minutes before my eyes began dropping. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw Light – no, it was Kira – watching me. I panicked and tried to resist the urge to sleep, but I lost the fight.


	6. Koibito

The first thing I registered upon waking was someone screaming. Almost instantly I felt how raw my throat was and realized the screaming was coming from me. I shut my mouth and suppressed the scream. I sat up on the couch and put a hand to my head to steady my breathing. I looked around quickly, but the room was empty except for the tray on the table, where Wammy had placed a slice of cake and a note. My eyes skimmed the note quickly, while I consciously relaxed the rest of my body. Wammy was gone for the day – running errands including buying more cakes – and would not return until later. However he had made certain the house was secure before leaving.

When I was certain my panic was gone, I stood and took a few hesitant steps. My legs were still woozy but after a couple cautious steps I was able to fully control them again. My first thoughts were about Light. I had to ask him about Sayu and Misa before I could respond to them, and with any luck I would be able to when I went to visit him. I looked at the clock – it was only just after ten – so I decided to eat the cake and read over the notes on the case one more time before heading out.

After sleeping, everything seemed so much more vibrant. The chocolate seemed to melt in my mouth and I made sure to get every crumb of the cake off the plate before setting it down. Reading the notes, my conviction that Susanna was the murderer became all the more certain, and I knew I needed to interview her myself soon, or have someone I trusted doing the interviewing. No, even feeding someone the questions would not produce the correct results. I wrote a note to Watari to contact the police department and have them bring Susanna in so I could question her. Of course, it would not be my face, but the familiar 'L' logo that I had always hidden behind.

With that conclusion made, I decided to grab a jacket before heading out to see Light. I was in an unusually good mood, and I knew the cold would put a damper on that. For one of the few times in my life, I let myself wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't become L. I wouldn't know Light. That was the first thought to cross my mind, which made me pause. I couldn't avoid the fact that Light was undeniably a large part of my life now. In fact, losing him would empty a large part of my life. I would not tell him that, but it was reassuring to know that fact about myself. I also knew it would be wise to distance from him, but until it was certain he could not be helped, I refused to do so.

"Good morning, Ryuzaki." The secretary said. For the first time, I noticed what she looked like. Normally I was in such a hurry to get the visit over with I didn't take the time to notice the details, though if needed I could recite every outfit she had worn since I first started visiting. Today she wore a simple silver blouse and black pants. She had obviously overdone her makeup in an attempt to look younger – I placed her at around 47 years – and had dark black mascara and eyeliner and blue and silver eye shadow. Her cheeks were rouged, even though the cold weather could have accomplished the same effect.

"Good morning, Ms. Kimberly," I mumbled. I didn't miss the look of surprise on her face as I spoke to her for the second time. This time, however, I had not been rude about it.

"This way, Ryuzaki," The nurse said. He was a larger man, obviously used to physically restraining the more difficult patients. I realized that I had never asked his name, or even referred to him by any name at all.

"Excuse me," I said. "What is your name?" He looked at me and blinked, as if unsure if I was being serious. I met his confused look with my own and waited for his answer.

"Tony," He said. "Tony Hamilton." I hmmm-ed and nodded and we continued the walk in silence. Light was in his room, and when I came he rushed over to the bars to meet me. I hadn't been expecting the quick movement and took a step back.

"Sorry, Ryuzaki." He said. "I'm sorry for yesterday. I just…I guess I underestimated Kira. But Tony told me that you knew anyway, even though he…he tried to pretend." Light put a hand to his hair and pushed it out of his eyes. He chuckled and gave me a sheepish grin. "It's still so weird to think of myself as two people. I mean, I feel like one person, and…Well, I really can't explain it."

"It is normal for Light-kun to feel confused," I said, stepping closer to the bars. Light took a step back, as if afraid I would hurt him through the bars. "What is wrong?"

"I…I don't want Kira to hurt you. I know he wants to. He hates you…no, it's worse than that – he loathes you. Sometimes…L, sometimes I start to hate you too. Because of him. It's like a poison in my mind." Light did not, as some would, look away from me as he confessed, but kept full eye contact.

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked. Light was very private. He hated being chained to me, and he hated having anyone see him weak, so this uncharacteristic speech confused me.

"Jane told me I need to be honest. I need to put myself out as much as possible so I don't hold anything in. She believes it's because I had no friends to confide in that I…created Kira." He spoke clearly, and without hesitation.

"It is not wise to divulge all your feelings to anyone," I said. I knew it was the wrong thing to say and I saw Light hesitate. "But Light-kun has nothing to hate me for. I only want to see you healed and able to carry on a somewhat normal life." Light rewarded with me a smile, and I almost smiled back, but got control of my emotions in time that my face expressed nothing. Light, however, laughed. It was such a relief to hear his laugh, and not the maniacal laugh of Kira that I had an even harder time not letting a smile slip.

"What is so funny, Light-kun?" I asked.

"Nothing," Light said. "You slept last night, didn't you?" At my inquisitive glance he composed himself and continued. "You only ever do that half smile after you sleep. You told me sleeping lowers your resistance to emotions, which is why you don't sleep often." I must have looked annoyed because he sobered. "Observation went two ways while we were chained, L. I know you better than anyone else. You really should go to counseling. Dr. Lovett would be glad to help you, I'm sure. It's clear – "

"I have no interest in meeting with Dr. Lovett." I said. "There is nothing wrong with privacy, especially in my position. So please keep your observations to yourself."

"Fine," Light said. I knew he was annoyed because he sat on his bed with his back against the wall. He feigned boredom with a drawn out sigh. We remained in silence for several moments before he tilted his head slightly to look at me, auburn hair draping into his honey eyes.

"It's rude to stare, you know," He said, drawing his legs onto the bed. "If you don't have anything to say to me, you can leave." I fumed silently at my dismissal. No one had ever dismissed me before, and I would not allow Light to be the first.

"Have you examined the case I left for you?" I asked. His gaze drifted to the papers he had taped onto the wall, but otherwise he didn't say anything. "And?"

"I can't believe you've spent so long working on this one, L," He said. "It's quite obvious that Susanna is the only one in the group capable of physically overpowering Lauren, the most recent victim. Of course, I believe she had at least one accomplice, who distracted the victim so Susanna could come from behind and get the throat. I don't need pity cases, you know. It's insulting." His observation caught me by surprise I had never considered an accomplice. Unconsciously, I brought my thumb to my lip and bit it while I was thinking.

"What about in the first murder?" I asked.

"Well, Ben, the victim, was 12. Susanna was only 11. Even if she was large for her size, he has genetics on his side. He would be hitting puberty and probably just went through a growth spurt. Therefore, Susanna's accomplice must have been strong enough that the two of them could overpower a larger male. I narrowed them down to those three." His fingers flicked toward three profiles that had been set to the side. I looked at them quickly. The first was a boy named Ken, thirteen at the time of the first murder. The second was a girl, Kimberly, who was Susanna's age. The third was named Greg, 10 at the first murder, and Susanna's brother.

"I believe the most likely accomplice is Kimberly," I said, hoping Light didn't notice my hesitation. I would punish myself for not reaching the same conclusion as him at another time. "She is the closest in age to Susanna, and therefore it is more likely that they formed a bond growing up together. Ken's family had moved away by the time of the second murder, so he could not have helped. And Greg is handicapped."

"That wasn't in his background check," Light said.

"Two years ago he fell from a tree and is paralyzed from the waist down. He also suffered a seizure and is only just regaining the ability to speak, so he could not have distracted Lauren and had time to clear the scene before her body was found. The second victim was only dead for minutes when her body was found."

"So, are you going to interview them?" Light asked. "I assume the local police had no training in interrogation. Could…I mean, I would very much enjoy watching the interrogation if you have no objection to it." I pursed my lips and considered.

"I can record it and let you watch it after. But I'm afraid this facility is not secure enough for me to conduct the interview from." Light nodded, accepting that decision.

"I have one other matter to discuss with Light-kun," I said. I still wasn't sure it was wise to let Light meet with Sayu and Misa, but it would be a wonderful experiment to see how it affected him.

"What?" He said.

"Sayu and Misa contacted me a few days ago," I said. He sat up straight and looked at me intently. "They would like to visit with you."

"Sayu contacted you? Does she know what happened to me?" He tried not to sound worried, but I could see the fear in his eyes. Clearly he cared for his sister at least a fraction of what she cared for him.

"She knows you are Kira, though that is not general knowledge in the public. She does not know about the multiple personalities, however. She seemed quite worried about you." I felt the paper in my pocket and considered giving it to him, but I did not trust him enough.

"Will you let her come?" He asked. "Did she say what it was about?"

"I left the decision up to you. You know your limits far better than I ever could. Misa would be coming as well. I could arrange that she does not, but again, that is up to you." I saw him consider it for a moment before he closed his eyes and nodded.

"I need to explain to her," He said. "I…I used her horribly. It's not something I'm proud of. She is a good person for the most part, and deserves better. I know you don't think much of her." I wasn't aware I had made any outward sign of my disgust, but Light had picked up on something. "But she is intelligent, you know. Not on our level, of course. But she…well, she discovered that I was Kira before you did."

"And how did she do that?" I asked.

"Well, she had a Death Note as well. Only she traded for the Shinigami Eyes, and when she couldn't see my name or time of death, she knew I had to possess a Death Note." The idea of eyes that gave someone the power to see anyone's name gave me chills. I was thankful that Kira loved life too much to trade for the eyes himself. That one trait had saved my life.

"Interesting." I said. "I suppose I will take your word for her intelligence. Her lack of proper spelling and grammar in the letter she sent does nothing to help her case, though."

"She likes taking short cuts." He said. "That's why she models, you know. I asked her about it once. She said school was too much work, and modeling came naturally."

"I still do not like her." I said. I knew it was childish, much like my feelings for Dr. Lovett. It briefly occurred to me that the connection between each was Light's attraction to them. In fact, I did like Misa slightly better knowing that Light was going to end things with her.

"No one asked you to, L," Light said. "In fact, I would wonder what's wrong with you if you did. You also don't like Dr. Lovett, though. Why is that?" The fact that Light had drawn the same conclusion as I had worried me – no one ever knew me well enough to know my thoughts. The only person who could was Wammy, but he did not have the mental capacity to follow my train of thought so I didn't have to worry about him.

"Why do you think I have anything against Dr. Lovett?" I asked. "I am quite pleased with the progress the two of you are making together."

"Okay, Ryuzaki," Light said."Whatever you say." He laughed and I seethed. He had no right to analyze my relationship with anyone. I refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing how upset he had made me. If we hadn't been separated by the metal door, I would simply have kicked him, but that option was not open to me in this situation.

"I'll set up the arrangements for Sayu and Misa. They will most likely arrive tomorrow night and come to visit the following day. I will bring you updates on the case." I turned to leave, and I was only a few steps away when Light shouted after me.

"Ryuzaki!" He was at the window again, so I walked back and looked at him. "I just wanted to…thank you. For visiting me. I don't understand why you bother to come every day but just…thank you. I think it helps keep me...me. And I was thinking about some password that only I know, so you can tell if it's me or Kira in control. So…I'll just call you…"

"Koibito." I said. Light looked surprised, and I explained. "Kira will never think of it. You only need to say it once. And you can whisper if you're afraid of anyone hearing." I said dryly.

"Koibito." He whispered, a faint smile drifting across his lips. I wondered who he thought of as he said it, because he was definitely not looking at me. "I'm not afraid of people hearing it. No one here speaks Japanese anyway. So I doubt anyone will understand."

"Very well, Light-kun." I said. "I must leave, to finish the arrangements for the interviews. I will see you tomorrow." I didn't see Light move back to the bed, so I assumed he watched me walk away. Suddenly, and irrationally, I was seized by the desire to see him again. I shook my head and focused back on the case. That was my true friend – cold hard facts. I could not allow anyone or anything to distract me from my work, not even Light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Koibito means "sweetheart" in Japanese.


	7. Denied

"Sayu Yagami and Misa Amane will be arriving in three hours. Would you like to meet them at the airport?" Wammy was cleaning the room, though I could not see any mess, his duster was covered in a layer of grey.

"No. Send a car, though. And bring them straight here. I'll meet them after I visit Light." I had been on and off the phone all day with the police department trying to coordinate a time to interview Susanna and Kimberly. Neither family was cooperating, so I was forced to wait until they could either be reasoned with, or forced to comply.

"Very well." Wammy dusted the counter top one last time before leaving the room. Sometimes I wondered at his devotion. He was a millionaire – actually, his fortune was more than that but I refrained from prying into his past life out of respect for what he did for me. "How is he doing?" Wammy had never asked about Light before, but no clarification was needed for who 'he' was.

"He is improving rapidly, as expected. They are pleased with his progress and expect to fully rehabilitate him. It is possible that he will not need medication if they are able to establish Light as the dominant personality." Wammy looked at me in surprise for a moment. I had never been one to talk about anyone who was not a suspect.

"Wonderful," He said, clearly not going to make a big deal out of my sudden desire to talk. "Would you like me to drop you off on my way to the airport?"

"No. I enjoy the walk," I said quickly. I had established my routine and any change in it seemed wrong. "I was just leaving now."

"Good luck, Lawliet," Wammy said. I scowled at his use of my full name, but I knew there was no way there could be a bug in the room so it was harmless. I was going to question him on why I needed luck but he had already left.

I considered grabbing a jacket, but decided against it. The day before it had not protected me from the cold, and merely provided extra bulk. There were dozens of people walking through the streets, and I noticed it was one of the rare sunny days. It was November, so it was still cold, but there was no snow yet. No one acknowledged me as I meandered down the street, hand in pockets. I was just as invisible as I wanted to be.

"Good afternoon, Ryuzaki." I was taken by surprise when I walked in and saw Dr. Lovett standing in the lobby. I could tell by her coat and briefcase that she had just arrived, and was signing in at the desk. I glared at her for a moment before responding.

"Good afternoon." I went up to the desk to get my ID, but the secretary just looked between the two of us without saying anything. "Is there a problem?"

"Light has his appointment with me at this time," Dr. Lovett said, smiling at me smugly. "You can wait. It usually takes about an hour or two. Sometimes a little longer if it's a good day." I grabbed the ID out of the secretary's hand.

"I will see Light first. Just reschedule his appointment."

"He is no longer your ward," Dr. Lovett said. "Just yesterday I pronounced him sane. He can now arrange his own appointments, and you have no say in his treatment."

"Fine," I said. "Then I will simply go and ask Light if he wishes to speak to me first." I turned and started walking to Light's cell. The doctor must have been too shocked at first because it took her a minute to realize what I was doing and run after me.

"You cannot walk through the halls unaccompanied!" She said. I heard her heels clicking as she jogged to catch up with me. I did not adjust my pace at all.

"I am clearly accompanied by you," I said. She followed me, muttering under her breath the entire time. I let myself smile faintly at her obvious annoyance but lack of ability to do anything about it.

"Ryuzaki! What are you doing here?" Light frowned when he saw me. "I have a meeting this morning, koibito." His eyes landed on Dr. Lovett's disheveled appearance and I saw him cover up a smile. "Clearly you already know that, though. So I guess you heard the good news?"

"Good morning, Light." I said. "I would like you to cancel your appointment and schedule it for later." Light frowned. I had not even considered there being a small chance Light would chose the doctor over me. Unless there was more between them then a doctor-patient relationship.

"Well…" I didn't need to look at Dr. Lovett to see her superior smirk. "I…I just really need to talk to Dr. Lovett today. Can you come back later?" Light looked apologetic, but I knew that didn't necessarily mean anything – Light should have been in the acting business.

"No, Light-kun. I will not be able to come back today. In case you forgot, your sister and girlfriend are arriving tonight and need to be under surveillance. Enjoy your meeting." Light may have called something after me but I refused to acknowledge it. My thoughts turned, once again, to my relationship with Light. I should not have been so upset that Light had chosen someone else over me. The only explanation was that I was used to getting whatever I wanted. I had worked hard for my status, and was not used to being put on hold. Yes, that was all.

**Author's Note:**

> This is complete, but I will be posting it a bit at a time here. Hopefully one chapter a day but sometimes life gets in the way.


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